Spurgeon's General Warning: Let the Bodies Hit the Floor



Remember when I whined about moving a few weeks ago? Well, that was nothing compared to the whining I did during and after the Great Move of 2013. I coped with the pain and bodily stress the way normal humans do: by somehow forgetting to eat all day long, calling up Comcast and (deservedly) taking it out on them, and quoting songs. Which songs?

Tennessee Ernie Ford, “16 Tons”

The Scene: Moving stuff, so much stuff, too much stuff.
The Quote:“I totally get ’16 Tons’ now.”
Applicable: Not really. Only the part about moving heavy things around applies, and it wasn’t even coal, it was my own personal possessions that I own outright. I don’t owe my soul to the company store, but I did have to get the moving van back to the Budget dealership by four.

Delta Rhythm Boys, “Dry Bones”

The Scene: Me upon the couch after the moving is done.
The Quote: “Dem boooones!”
Applicable: My bones are indeed connected, and were walking around and doing stuff bones are apt to do, like hold my human body together. This song is a spiritual, however, and I mostly did curse throughout the day. I'm about 90 percent sure I fractured my big toe.

Arcade Fire, “My Body is a Cage”

The Scene: The day after the move, every muscle taut and aching.
The Quote: “My body is a cage!”
Applicable: I could be wrong, but this song seems like it’s about a dude who is physically impaired in some way, perhaps an amputee or paralyzed. So, yes. Totally appropriate and applicable. I have dramatically moaned "My body is a cage!" after breaking fingernails and bruising my shin on the coffee table. I will never not say this when I am in the slightest bit of physical distress.

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