by Adam Gold
Anyone who says Jamie Kennedy has never appeared in anything funny hasn’t seen the above video, which features just five of the 90 glorious minutes that was independent local Los Angeles station KDOC’s gut-bustingly catastrophic (intern-produced?) New Year’s Eve 2013 special — one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.
“It’s been an unbelievable night!” a co-host proclaimed near the end of Monday’s televised train wreck, which broadcast live and unbleeped from outside the Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood and boasted an ironically Y2K-worthy host of celebrity D-listers.
As you’ll see, between botched cutaways to a confused Kennedy talking on-mic to producers, an interview with actress Shannon Elizabeth getting interrupted by an image of giant falling jalapeno turkey burger, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony’s hearty contribution to an overabundance of on-air F-bombs, 10 seconds of dead air in lieu of a pre-recorded Kennedy stand-up clip and, among other in-moment shenanigans, a eyes-half-shut, seemingly stoned and defiantly dispassionate Macy Gray lobbying the modest crowd to count down the New Year 10 minutes early so she can phone in her 1999 one-hit “I Try” and get the fuck out of there, “unbelievable” is an understatement.
But it’s a likely-liquored-up, slurringly-loose-lipped Kennedy who has the last word: “God bless you and we’ll see you in 2024. BYYYYYE! There’s a fight. It’s ending with a fight. It’s ending with a fight. … Go to a cartoon.” It literally was ending with a fight … onstage!
Amazingly, not even all that train wreckage was enough to derail Kennedy, who at one point shocks awes by awkwardly jokes to an obviously intoxicated African American female audience member, “Once you go black … I’m sayin’, you should try white, because it’ll keep your vagina very tight. Bleep that! Bleep that!” Didn’t happen.
This delicious slice of unintentional comedy gold went viral courtesy of actor-comedian Patton Oswalt, who tweeted yesterday, “Sweet. Jesus. KDOC Channel 56's live 2012 New Year's Eve broadcast. Does ANYONE have the full show? I am speechless.” While Oswalt is speechless, the clip’s top comment (from YouTube user umbrellac0rp) says it all: “I think the Mayans wanted to save us from this. Sadly, they_ failed. :(“
The KDOC special was reportedly originally supposed to feature appearances from Mario Lopez, Eva Longoria, Joey Lawrence and Jennifer Love Hewitt. Each of them made a brilliant career move and pulled a no-show, perhaps explaining how this broadcast devolved into such a beautiful debacle.