Spurgeon's General Warning: Smashing Pumpkins Revisited



Knock knock! Whos there? 1996.
  • "Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "1996."
I can’t even act like Smashing Pumpkins weren’t my favorite band in the whole wide world. In eighth grade, I was home sick from school one day and the video for “Today” came on VH1 — I was instantly sold. Even as a grown-ass adult, I have an annoying twinge of histrionic pathos about life, the universe and everything, so you can imagine how I was when I was a teenager. A guy I was friends with in high school asked me (via Twitter) if I was going to buy the Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness (that name!) reissue. I’m not, though I don’t blame him for wondering, because: 1) He hasn’t seen me in over 10 years, and 2) I’m 100 percent positive I left nothing but Smashing Pumpkins lyrics in all four of his yearbooks.

Billy Corgan is, of course, an angsty human salamander of the highest order, and in retrospect, everything about him is embarrassing. It’s as if all of your humiliating juvenile emotions made themselves real and pop up on TMZ every now and then to remind you of how awful you were. He’s an anthropomorphic version of every cringing sentiment you’ve ever had, distilled into the body of a 45-year-old wrestling fan/conspiracy theorist.

That said, below you'll find the best Smashing Pumpkins songs, in no particular order. The ones I can still listen to without wanting to drown myself (histrionic pathos, like I said) from belated shame over self-satisfied hormones and general adolescent dickishness.


Still good, always good. I refuse to argue with myself over this one.


A strong Worst Song Name/Best Actual Song contender. See also: "Tears of a Clown."


Not only the best thing Billy Corgan ever did, it’s also better than anything you or I could ever hope to accomplish. For real.

“The End Is the Beginning Is the End.”

This video is showing all the wrong Batman! In all seriousness, I FUCKING LOVE this song. I love every song that was ever in any Batman movie, from “Batdance” to “Kiss From a Rose.” This Smashing Pumpkins song is in many ways the cousin of U2's Batman-related classic “Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me.”

“Ava Adore”

Kinda wanna drown myself over this one.


God, those lyrics. This is not an easy exercise. I can promise you that I cried over this song at one (multiple) point(s) in my life, without question. But still! It sounds so good! Like, as a song.

Plus like 40 others, I can’t even talk about this anymore, where’s a lake, I need some rocks.

What is your favorite Smashing Pumpkins song? Should I be thankful that I was sad and not angry so at least I never liked nu metal and am therefore getting off pretty easy in comparison? Corgan > Anyone in Korn, let’s be real. Adore, Y/N? (Y.) James Iha, more like James I-HOT, am I right?

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