Spurgeon's General Warning: Thanksgiving, Etc.



Like many of you already are or soon will be, I’ve headed home for the Thanksgiving holiday. At the moment, Dad’s watching Fox News, Mom’s headed out to the store to buy assorted sugary cereals to quench nostalgia cravings, and I’m trying to think of a vague, overarching topic to write about. I asked my younger sister for suggestions, and she threw out great ideas like “the new kitty,” “your stupid One Direction” (hmm, a future possibility, Harry 4eva <3), and “the leaves?” Hey, you know what’s a vague topic? Sisters, sisterhood, or songs that use “sister” to personify concepts.

Eurythmics and Aretha Franklin, 
“Sisters Are Doin’ It for Themselves”

Night Ranger, “Sister Christian”

The Who, “Sister Disco”

Sister Sledge, “We Are Family”

Thanksgiving Bonus Track:

Addams Family Values, “Eat Me”

Holiday Protips:

- Don't take the politics bait, always have your phone or a book handy so you "won't hear" questions asked of you.
- Offer to help with inside work (cooking, dishes) over outside work (raking leaves).
- Football?
- The Weather Channel: The Compromise Channel
- Just make up shit about your life. Nothing too outlandish, but extended family doesn't know any better, or care.

Do you have brothers or sisters? Are your parents watching Fox News? Where are you sleeping? I'm sharing a bed with the aforementioned sister because the other sister is bringing her husband and children down, poaching all the bedrooms. Are you drunk already? What are you drinking? Who's going to get drunker, you or your racist cousin?

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