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Five Finger Death Punch at Cannery Ballroom

Heavy-Handed

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Check it, bro. We’ve all been pretty bummed since Slayer and Megadeth cancelled their show last month. First there was the Buzzfest debacle, then my favorite celebrity died, the Titans bit it this season, and all I wanted to do was get my rage on in a sweet circle pit. Well, pick your braided-goateed-chins up off the floor, my friends. I have good news. The metal gods heard our woes all the way down in Hell and sent a fist-shaped blot of lightning from below straight to our genitals by the name of Five Finger Death Punch. Unlike those aforementioned dinosaurs, these guys are in their prime and won’t throw out their backs during a hair windmill or while laying down some seriously brutal riffs in the key of drop D (minor, of course). Also, in sharp comparison, 5FDP know how to wail on some sweet melodies between breakdowns, so if you’ve got a girlfriend, bring her. That shit will totally get you laid. When was the last time Slayer got anybody laid, eh?
Tue., Feb. 2, 9 p.m., 2010

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