Spook Spann: Celebrity Poacher



Everything about this Spook Spann story delights me and I so want Hollywood to make some kind of comedic caper movie about it.

Here are the things that tickle me:

1. His nickname is a racial slur. And rather than insisting on going by William, Billy, or Bill, he even called his now defunct television show "Spook Nation." How many poor racists in this great nation were disappointed when they tuned in finding not someone ranting about the oppressed white minority, but talking about hunting?

2. "Celebrity hunter" is a thing now? Really? Because I have to think that, until you get to the point where you're even a quarter as famous as Papa Hemingway, you're not really a celebrity hunter.

3. But, okay, maybe he is more famous than I give him credit for. His job is "hunter." So, why can't this dude do the things that you need to do to hunt legally? This is his job, his hilariously wonderful job, being a celebrity hunter. But he's already faced charges once for hunting without the proper license.

4. Then, even though he was banned from hunting for six months, he posted videos on Facebook of him engaging in hunting activities. And, surprise! He got in more trouble.

5. And now he's in further trouble for tampering with evidence, because, apparently, allegedly, he and his wife didn't learn from the whole Facebook incident that you shouldn't record yourself engaging in illegal activities, and he and his wife are now accused of ditching the phone upon which Spann was recorded breaking other hunting laws — like illegal baiting.

Hunting isn't just a matter of taking your gun out and shooting at things while someone records you. There are rules and laws and hunters are expected to follow them. In fact, any damn fool can take a gun, go out in the woods and shoot at things while some other fool records it. The skill in hunting comes from knowing and following the rules and still managing to get your animal.

So, at this point, what's clear is that Spann, though well-known in certain circles, is not a celebrity hunter. He's a celebrity poacher. And not a very clever one.

I don't know if I'm just getting soft in my old age or what, but Spann delights me. He's just got this kind of can-do determination that this time he'll get away with whatever stupid illegal thing he's doing. He's like a Scooby-Doo villain or something. I kind of hope he has some further adventures and we get to hear about them, but I suspect he's probably pushed his luck with the legal system as far as it will go.

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