Tharon Chandler Wants You to Want Him



A profile picture from the Facebook page of William Tharon Chandler
  • A profile picture from the Facebook page of William Tharon Chandler
Standing 5-foot-10, weighing in at 155 pounds (give or take a few), and quixotically "looking for a Woman with which to 'Procreate' or make or have children," Mr. William Tharon Chandler is the latest independent candidate to enter the 7th Congressional district Thunderdome currently ruled by Baroness Marsha, of the Blackburns.

With the eloquence of a Nigerian scammer, Chandler's campaign blog is one of the purest screwball political artifacts to grace this fine state for quite some time — if only because the site itself is an artifact of Chandler's 2010 California congressional campaign: A serial office-seeker, he became the, uh, victim of "technical malversation" in a failed 2008 bid for Missouri's 7th, where he didn't even bother entering the primary (Chandler ran as a Democrat); ran and lost for the 7th Tennessee district in 2004; spends a lot of time in The Philippines; had his identity stolen by something called the Tennessee Mafia, which "switched" his and his brother's identities; and is currently homeless as a result of different conspiracies.

Oh, he's really into California girls, too:

Now, it is not young teen girls i am seeking in my adventures around the country and recently on international treks, but 'Older' teen girls and young women; like the kind that every real man likes, unless he is a lier. I have wanted and sought a wife though in the process I like 'Island girls' and California girls, and southern belles and Northern girls. Perhaps it is an older, jealous women whom is persecuting me. Likely at least one of those is included in the cruel group as includes some small town big fat lawyers, some former governors, a jealous brother-in-law, a diabolical sister, a cold cruel father and his dishonest secretary and also his wives, and then my younger brother who makes an eager crony for a pseudo-significant mafia Don, in a small pond.

Thus, the Southern Gothic novel was revived.

Although we're no campaign finance experts, we're not sure if it's exactly kosher to run for two offices at the same time, as Chandler appears to have a barren 2012 California campaign running alongside his current Tennessee bid.

We wish him the best of luck, especially for highlighting the issue of illegal buttock-localized marrow extraction.

And if you are still on the fence as to whether he's your guy, check out some of his facebook photos.

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