Adam Dread's Mystery Client Wants Kim Kardashian Sex Tape

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You may not remember, but noted Armenian Kim Kardashian first became famous by doing sex with Moesha’s li'l brother and showing it to folks on the Internet. Ever the smart cookie, she managed to parlay getting pounded into a multimillion-dollar family empire of banality and whining. Good for her! We should all be so lucky to come from money and then continue to make money for no discernible reason.

But someone out there feels very sorry for Kardashian, and has offered to buy the rights to her sex tape and remove it from the Internet (good luck), thus sparing her any residual shame and regret.

I know what we’re all thinking: cue Adam Dread!

Nashville attorney Adam Dread confirmed to CNN he sent a letter to Vivid Entertainment on Monday asking to start negotiations for the sex tape's sale.

"Recently, I was approached by a private party who asked us to look into the possibility of acquiring all rights (and copies) of the Vivid 'Kim Kardashian Sex Tape,'" Dread wrote in the letter obtained by CNN.

Dread would not disclose the name of his client to CNN, saying "Unless I'm told otherwise, this is all confidential."

Ooh, a Nashville connection! I have zero evidence that the anonymous party in question is a local, but I’ve already narrowed it down to two (highly improbable) suspects: It’s either John Rich, for obvious and terrible reasons, or Martha Rivers Ingram.

My money’s on Ingram. Coughing up a few mil for a sex tape is chump change for that dynamo, and what is she if not a respected patron of the performing arts? And what is the existence of Kim Kardashian if not an extended performance art piece? Good on you, sisters!

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