If you weren't in the process of seeking shelter from the aftershocks of yesterday's mammoth earthquake, then you probably had the chance to pick up a copy of The Tennessean — not saying you did, you know, but you had that chance. In one possible universe, maybe you picked up a copy. In another, maybe you scaled their Gannettean fortress of banner ads and read it online. If you did the latter, here's the front page you missed:
No matter what universe the folks at 1100 Broadway actually live in, chances are good that in most of them, at least one person suffers from hyper-extended calf muscles due to repeatedly kicking themselves in the face over deciding to run the falsely prophetic headline "GET READY TO START SCHOOL IN JULY." Contrary to its suggestion, the Metro School Board last night voted to adopt a balanced calendar that begins Aug. 1 — not exactly July, but much closer than, say, January, so they've got that going for them.
Granted, this isn't the worst possible screw-up in the history of worst possible screw-ups, but you'd think that the practitioners of a dying medium would do their best to not give people yet another reason to put down the paper and turn on the television.