Heimdall's New PR Team: White Supremacists Frown on Idris Elba in Thor



From the end of the Viking era until recently, Heimdall has suffered from being one of the least interesting of the Norse gods. Sure, back in the day, he cuckolded three guys, but for a thousand years now, he's just sat around and waited for a chance to blow his horn. Yes, he's basically the Norse equivalent of Little Boy Blue.

But no longer! Now, Mr. Sexypants himself — Idris Elba — is playing Heimdall in the upcoming movie Thor. Now, I think we can all agree that Thor is going to be terrible, deliciously terrible, but filled with hot men strutting around looking like crosses between members of a biker gang and vending machines (see here for Elba doing his best to emote in his vending-machine state). But if you are a little-known, long-neglected god, this is your chance to change people's perceptions of you.

Just try this, if you're in a place with people. Just say out-loud, "Oh, Stringer Bell" and take a look at the reactions of the people around you. I think you'll find that, among fans of The Wire, Elba's character is considered amazingly attractive and badass. Not bad qualities to have associated with yourself, if you're a god, right?

Clearly, our European heritage has been pissed on because this dude doesnt have red hair, right?
  • Clearly, our European heritage has been pissed on because this dude doesn't have red hair, right?
Okay, so clearly, having an attractive guy portray you is step one in the Gods' Guide to Improving Your Reputation. But this is where Heimdall's people are so smart. It's not enough to be portrayed by Idris Elba. You have to get the word out, get your name and his name intimately linked in the minds of a lot of people, even people who aren't going to see what looks like a terrible movie.

So, who could Heimdall enlist to make sure his name and Elba's best qualities are linked in the minds of as many people as possible?

People, I am not even kidding you. Sheriff Hall's old friends, The Council of Conservative Citizens! They have a website — Boycott-Thor.com! And they are angry! Apparently it's a blow to European heritage to have a black British dude playing a Norse god, because that god is described as "the white god" in the Eddas.

Well, folks, Thor was called The Red Christ back in the day both as a dig at Christians and in reference to his, oh, you know, red hair and red beard. And yet, for some reason, perpetuating the lie that he is a blonde isn't something the CCC is that outraged about. Eh, maybe that's next on their list of things to complain about.

Anyway, I think this is a great PR move on Heimdall's part. Sure, you might have heard of Odin or Thor, possibly even Frey, but before today, had you ever heard of Heimdall?

And now look who's got himself splashed all over the news. Mead for everyone in the hall!

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