Shipley Threatens to Crack Kelsey's Head

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Captain Apocalypse earned his nickname by threatening to invoke Gods wrath against gay people.
  • Captain Apocalypse earned his nickname by threatening to invoke God's wrath against gay people.
Rep. Tony "Capt. Apocalypse" Shipley swept into the Legislative Plaza press room like an afternoon thunderstorm today to blow his stack and demand that we all report that he's a reasonable and calm statesman.

Shipley is irate because Sen. Brian Kelsey claimed in a press release that the captain screwed the pooch yesterday on their resolution to amend the state constitution to ban the income tax. Indeed, Shipley sat on his hands and uttered not a peep of protest as the House budget subcommittee, a.k.a the black hole, met and adjourned without considering the resolution, effectively killing it for the year.

"Tennesseans must still live under the threat of the state income tax due to the inaction of the House to move this amendment forward," the outraged Kelsey said in his release.

But the outraged Shipley explains that the entire matter was taken out of his hands. Leaders of both parties met secretly before the meeting and decided not to vote on the Kelsey/Shipley resolution because they didn't feel like it. Shipley says he had no choice but to go along, no matter how angry it made Kelsey.

"I was disappointed, but I tried to be a statesman. He wanted me to grab the mike at the podium—like Attila the Hun, I guess—and get mad at everybody."

The new statesmanlike Shipley adds: "Brian Kelsey ought to have his head cracked."

P.S. Before Shipley storms away, he tells Pith that he's crazy about his Capt. Apocalypse nickname. He says he picks up votes every time we write about him, although he acknowledges he thinks we're a little weird. "I still love you," he says.

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