Legislature's Republican Majority Under Liberal Media Attack


These liberal media types are out of control.
  • These liberal media types are out of control.
With Paul Stanley now thoroughly victimized, it occurs to Pith that Tennessee Republicans have found themselves beset by one scandal and media clusterfluff after another since they took power in the legislature. This is no coincidence. We suspect a liberal media conspiracy. Anyway, you know what this means. It's time for a roundup! This is only the second sex-and-blackmail scandal of the year. You'll recall (of course, you will) that Rep. Susan Lynn touched off the first one by claiming Kent Williams accosted her in the dark legislative parking garage with a lewd proposal. "I have never harassed anyone in any way; never will. I've never been reprimanded or charged with any harassment. That's all I can say about it," Williams said, giving a non-denial denial that he told Lynn he'd give a week's pay to see her naked. Then Rep. Brian Kelsey, soon to be the new state senator from Germantown, sent a text message offering to drop his ethics complaint against Williams in return for a committee chairmanship. Kelsey's complaint was dismissed, and he settled for a subcommittee chair. "He's such a smart young man," the speaker said of his No. 1 nemesis. The media had only just stopped attacking Williams and Kelsey when new targets popped up: our very own Obama Birthers. Republican wingnuts in the legislature were savaged for joining the crackpot legal action that claims there's a massive conspiracy to let a foreigner occupy the White House. Turns out, our guys were ahead of their time. Obama Birthers have taken over the entire Republican Party. Who looks stupid now? Let's not forget Reps. Gerald McCormick, Curry Todd and Eric Watson, the three sophisticates who threw temper tantrums over the resolution expressing regret for slavery. Slavery wasn't their fault, they said, so regret is a little too much to ask. Watson was so wound up he invented an entirely new species to insult--Hispaniels!--and tossed in "the yellow man" for good measure. Once again, Republicans were abused in the press. Watson explained he said españols, not Hispaniels. He can't help it if he speaks with a hillbilly twang. These liberal media types are so insensitive. And the coup de grâce, of course: Sherri Goforth's "Historical Keepsake Photo." It's too typical of the liberal media that no one listened when Sen. Diane Black explained she's actually a great friend to dark-skinned people of the planet, even if her staffer's not necessarily quite so enlightened. In fact, Black said, she's "reached out to people all over this world" as a nurse. As evidence of her racist-free heart, she said she went deep into the jungles of Guatemala like a great white bwana to help babies. So what was all the fuss about that one little picture? Gee, we hope none of this is tarnishing the Republican Party's brand.

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