Emmys, You Are Killing My Soul

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Family Guy, not funny.
  • Family Guy, not funny.
I take television seriously. Too seriously. The nominations for the 2009 Emmy Awards came out today and mentally destroyed me. My feeble mind, dulled by literally years spent in front of the idiot box, still managed to eke out a few vitriolic thoughts:
  • No It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Really? That little FX wonder is only the funniest show on cable. Go watch "Mac and Charlie Die" and "The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis" and thank me.
  • Who still watches Entourage?
  • And good God, Family Guy? Not funny. It's about as funny as the time I met up with David Beckham to go fishing on The African Queen. (Where's my millions, Fox?)
  • I'm not surprised Tony Shalhoub is unwarrantedly nominated yet again. The Emmys are old and dumb and don't know what's good. That said...
  • Nominating Jemaine Clement is just shameless pandering. Don't get me wrong--I love Flight of the Conchords. But do manic-depressive sing-alongs count as acting now?
  • Also, how is Sarah Silverman an actress, again?
  • If Michael Emerson, the best damn thing about Lost, loses to anyone from Boston Legal, I will shoot someone in the face. I'm aiming for Shatner.
  • It really, really hurts me to say this, but House was...not good. Hugh Laurie deserves any and every award in the world, but the show as whole took a significant downhill ride this season. Not even my love of Kal Penn could get me to care.
  • Forgive me for going all conspiracy theorist, but I fail to see how No Reservations qualifies as a Nonfiction Series rather than a Reality Program. I suspect the award for Nonfiction Series won't be televised and the Emmys are a bunch of jerks that want to keep the living sex that is Anthony Bourdain out of America's primetime dens.
  • Neil Patrick Harris really needs to win Best Supporting Actor because LITERALLY ALL THE OTHER NOMINEES are just playing stranger versions of themselves.
I feel better. Until the actual show airs, of course.

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