Why The Scene Should Endorse Jerry Lawler for Mayor of Memphis

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Rumor has it that Jerry "The King" Lawler is contemplating another run for mayor of Memphis.
Lawler for Mayor!
  • Lawler for Mayor!
The Scene is not in the habit of endorsing political candidates, especially not candidates in other cities.

But surely this warrants an exception.

As Pith's resident professional wrestling expert, I offer the following reasons for why Lawler should be king... er... mayor of Memphis.

10. He couldn't be any worse than what Memphis has now.

9.  He'd be one of the few mayors in the nation who looks dashing in spandex pants.

8.  Last time he ran, he had a pretty okay platform--making the city safer and more beautiful and improving city schools. That seems reasonable.

7. He could settle City Council disagreements with leaps from the top ropes.

6. If anyone can go to West Memphis and secure the return of Lucinda Williams's joy, it's Jerry Lawler. We need to put him in a position to do so.

5.  We will take you down, Mississippi!

4. Isn't it time the Fords shared the title of "Most Ridiculous Politician from Memphis"?

3. Ooo. Maybe we could get Chris Jericho as vice mayor. That would be very pretty.

2.  Gang members might be encouraged to settle disputes with chair shots instead of actual shots.

1. It's a little known, but true, fact that Lawler holds a very special place in his heart for Cleveland and I think we all know that the same is true of Pith, Our shared appreciation for that city should bind us together and lead us to support Lawler's candidacy.

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