New Ways To Do The Same Stuff, Only Faster

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I am not good at consolidating. I have both a cell phone and a land line, mostly because my cell phone doesn't work in my apartment (I live in what I'd like to refer to as This Place Sucks But I'm Too Lazy Too Move Because Furniture is Heavy) but I'm also secretly glad that I have a regular telephone. I like regular telephones better than cell phones, so the fact that Cingular has dropped me like a neglected puppy on the side of the road doesn't really matter to me. I don't want a cell phone that can take pictures. Thats what a camera is for. And I never sent text messages until last week, when I discovered that I could send the word "poop" to a dozen people all over the country while I was driving back from Memphis. So okay, I get the point of text messaging: to send awkward and embarrassing messages to people in hopes that they will be in important meetings or at a funeral and laugh at grossly inappropriate times.

I have 5 different email addresses and I like certain people to email certain ones. There's the work one, the freelance work one, the family one, the one for friends, and the one that I give out to major corporations who then sell it to people who want me to buy Cialis.

I have an iPod, but I don't have that little iTrip thing you stick on top of the iPod so that it can play music in your car. For one, they don't work that well. But more importantly, I own about 50 gazillion CDs, and what good are CDs if you don't put them in a CD player? My iPod is for exercising or walking the dog. My CD player is for my car. I have different technology for different activities.

But I understand the appeal of consolidating. It would be nice to move all of my music onto an easily portable MP3 player (but then I'd have nothing to obsessively organize like someone out of High Fidelity). But what I don't get ֠what I really, truly do not understand ֠is this:

iTunes Music Phone Set to Launch.

Why do I want to listen to music on my cell phone? I hate cell phones. They are tiny, the reception is unreliable, and I only own one because they handy in emergencies. If you have an accident and are stranded on the side of the highway, your cell phone will call the police for you. And when the police don't show up for a while, you can text message the word "poop" to them. But why music? I cannot imagine a situation in which I would desperately need to hear a song but my MP3 player would not suffice. I guess, after the car accident, I could calm myself down with some mellow Simon and Garfunkel tunes. But I could do that with an MP3 player too. It's all so unnecessary.

Maybe I'm just too stuck in my ways. Maybe, years from now, I'll look back and think to myself, "My god, how did I live without my favorite music at my finger tips all the time? Would I have survived the Crash of 2015 without 'Hollaback Girl' playing in an endless loop as I looked at the carnage around me and realized that this sh*t really was bananas? And then ordered a pizza? And then took a poor quality picture of myself eating the pizza and sent it to all of my friends, who just happened to be in important meetings at the time?" Yes...clearly this is what will happen.

Okay, I feel much better now.

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