HAIM, "Wrecking Ball"
Miley Cyrus, "Wrecking Ball"
Battle of the Beautiful Young Things: In one corner we have caps-lock proponents HAIM, the biggest all-sister trio since Cleopatra. In the other, Miss Destiny Hope Cyrus, a young woman that many people are hoping sharts herself in public, or something.
Winner: Cleopatra (Comin' At Ya!)
Flaming Lips, “Can’t Get You Outta My Head”
Kylie Minogue, “Can’t Get You Outta My Head”
Flaming Lips, your favorite band from college, covering Kylie Minogue. Wrenching artsy pathos from pop songs is a tried-and-true method of enjoying-pop-without-enjoying-pop, and this cover may very well be its zenith. However, the winner is ...
Winner: Kylie Minogue, for being simultaneously Australian and Eurotrash.
Travis, “… Baby One More Time”
Britney Spears, “… Baby One More Time”
Travis, while not hip, is made up of grown adult men, which seems to be the entire point of their humorous (?) version of exploitation pop classic "... Baby One More Time." They are, without question, far more competent vocalists and musicians than Spears. However, are they hot? (No.)
Winner: Spears, on account of the insane aspiration on the second verse. Someone get that girl an inhaler.
Charli XCX, “I Want It That Way”
Backstreet Boys “I Want It That Way”
This one is kind of a curveball for one important reason: Charli XCX is only 21 years old, which means she would have been 7 years old when "I Want It That Way" was released. From her point of view, it's an oldie.
Winner: Charli XCX for #respecting her #elders