by Sean Maloney
Now join us as we load up the hatin'-wagon and head for the outlying areas to visit our far flung friends in the the Craigslist "Musicians" Community.
* Nothing says "urban music" quite like living in an unincorporated community in Bedford County. And nothing says "desperate and hopeless" like including the phrase "no coke heads, no meth heads" in your ad for a lady singer.
* Bow before the dark lord and his Christmas Tree of Eternal Pain! And while we're here can somebody get our doughy little doom-bringer a T-shirt?
* Smyrna: We Can Count Real Good! Also, does this eye look infected?
* What they don't mention is that the last drummer quit because they made him be the caboose when they were pullin' the grandma-train. Sloppy 82nds was not what he meant when he said he was "in it for the chicks."
* It would be awesome if you were a chick but we'd like somebody that knows all the SCALES! Get it, SCALES? Like on a ... [crickets] ... whatever, man, we just want to play some Skynyrd covers.