by Sean Maloney
So now join us as we cross the Cumblerand to mock the latest and not-so-greatest from our local Craigslist "Musicians Community."
* "Practicing harmonies" could lead to "showcase nights" and "steady fun." It could also lead to your parents placing tearful calls to the police, wondering where you are and if they'll ever see you alive again.
* Nothing says "steaming pile of shit" like declaring your own record "a beautiful masterpiece of a home recorded album." That's too much narcissism even for the East side.
* Drummer wanted for trite, predictable band that would have bored everyone to tears five years ago, but we wouldn't know that because we moved here three weeks ago. Why does everybody keep making jokes about this Avery Barkley dude? Who is that?
* Ideas, we has them! The problem is that we don't have any friends. Doesn't anybody in this town like creative stuff? I mean, creative stuff is creative!
* If they are not impressed with my dour expression and my taste in obscure Euro-Canadian dance pop, then they will certainly be wowed by this impressive array of knobs and switches. And somebody out there has got to appreciate my hat policy.