Spurgeon’s General Warning: Timberlake!


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2013 is already an embarrassment of musical riches for me, personally. First, there’s the new Bowie album, and the fever-dream promise of a live David Bowie performance (or not). Plus, Elton John is coming! Here, to town! I’m going to the show, and I will cry for hours and generally look like a demented anime character, all big eyes and unchecked emotion. Did you know he named his son, born on Christmas Day, Levon? What a guy.

And Justin Timberlake. Tennessee’s favorite son. A fully formed Athena burst forth from the head of boy-band Zeus. He’s back, in Pog form. What are your favorite Justin moments? I have so many (five):

“Rock Your Body”

Without question, “Rock Your Body” is one of the Top Five best R&B-influenced dance-pop songs of 2000-2010. I had to get real descriptive with the definition, because this soon turned into an exercise of how I could also include "Since U Been Gone" in that Top Five until I realized that song is rock pop and therefore on a totally different list altogether.

“Summer Love”

One of the Timbaland-iest songs of all time, “Summer Love” is definitely the best song about summer love by someone entirely too old to seek out a LFO-style summer romance.

Boy-Band Past (“Tearin’ Up My Heart”)

I love it when things sound of their time. The Jackson 5 are not New Kids on the Block are not N*Sync are not One Direction. Listening to this is an instant late-'90s flashback, I can almost smell the Cool Water. To every thing there is a season, that's from the Bible, and I'm pretty sure it was about boy bands.

Justin and Britney’s Matching Denim Outfits


This is what happens when young people are not told “no.” Bad Idea Jeans for the entire body, these pre-Etsy monstrosities of devotion coupled with white-trash panache will never be forgotten by me, or by Google Images. We all know the deal with poor Britney: She’s legitimately mentally ill, for one, and is pretty open about her bad taste. But Timberlake, for all his present-day slickness (“Suit & Tie,” eh?) was at one point just a weird teen making questionable sartorial decisions, just like you!

Saturday Night Live

Ha ha. The best part is the steps on how to do it.


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