Bonnaroo 2013 Kicks off Buffudling Clue Campaign

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Unless you’re that bored, without an Internet connection, on a long drive, killing time beside a campfire or inducing Stockholm syndrome with kindhearted kidnappers, riddles are fucking annoying. There’s another thing riddles have in common with hippies: Bonnaroo. The famed festival dispatched the first in its annual, maddeningly inscrutable RooClues series on New Year’s Day. It's a haiku that reads:

Rising son of man
The future was less certain
Human contact is gone

All right, poets, scholars and smarty pants donners, who among you literate fucks has the acumen to crack this confounding metric code? A Pink Floyd, Fleetwood Mac or Furthur [sic] fan perhaps? One of Paul McCartney’s minions maybe? A liker of Rolling Stones? A deft, daft punk? A David Bowie devotee? As Taylor Swift might say, speak now!

Maybe a second RooClue will help hard boil your egghead, Egghead. Here ‘tis (in part, on video):

Notice: another haiku. Oh, you didn’t notice? That’s because that video comprised only the second of the clue’s three parts. The first was broadcast on Radio Bonnaroo and the third appeared on the Bonnaroo app.

Still confused? Allow me to attempt to explain. This year Bonnaroo will unveil RooClues on its official site, every Tuesday and Thursday at noon (EST). Except, the site doesn’t actually post the clue, but rather sends you on a comically absurd viral scavenger hunt, directing you to Radio Bonnaroo for the first line, YouTube for the second line and the festival's smart-phone app for the third line. So essentially, the 'Roomasters give clues for the clues? Am I getting this right? I think I’m getting this right. … Carrot, meet stick! Don’t, meet have time! Dubya, meet Tee Eff! Mickey Mouse, meet shit! Eyes, meet roll!

It seems, at least as far as RooClues are concerned, Bonnaroo has successfully taken the whimsically brain-bending festival experience virtual — making its various sites and apps as convoluted and confusing as an attempt to navigate Tent City after the witching hour. What site? Which app? This tweet? That bullshit.

Knock yourself out trying to discern this process, scare up these syllables and crack these clues, I’m already lost/too intellectually lazy to follow, and I’m not even stoned. In fact, I popped an Adderall or two this morning and, like a hard typin’ John McClane of the blogosphere, I have a really, REALLY bad headache, and it ain't from the magical brain steroids. ANYWAY, for purpose of comparison, 2012’s first RooClue read “Good or evil? Canton-bound. Ascension linked to versions of the Sabbath.” The answer? Mogwai. I recommend hitting up Inforoo, the hangout for Bonnaroo obsessees, if you wanna waste away your days prognosticating on the festival’s lineup.

On a related note, a Cream commenter on this thread just pointed it out that JEFF the Brotherhood seemingly confirmed a Bonnaroo 2013 appearance via Twitter.

Bonnaroo 2013 returns to neighboring Manchester, Tenn. June 13-16.

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