Spurgeon’s General Warning: Harsh Unsolicited Advice [Updated]

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Update: The website linked to below is the national syndication site for Hippie Radio —¬†which is what comes up when you Google "Hippie Radio Nashville." The actual Hippie Radio 94.5 site contains info about the Nashville on-air personalities and programming. (Generally speaking it's also a better site.) We apologize for any confusion.

Hippie Radio, your station is decent but your website is terrible. I hate to break it to you, but a media company in 2012 should at least pretend to care about the Internet. You know who in my family have always been the earliest adopters? My grandparents, born in the 1940s. They got rid of landlines sometime in the late '90s, and their house always had the best computers. Those are the kind of Boomers you want to cater to — the kind with disposable income who are not afraid of technology. I’m going to forward your website to my grandma via Twitter, and then she’s going to respond with “lol,” because she is smart and recognizes it as lol-able. Up your game.

Here is how you program your hour.

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I get what you’re doing with the years (barely), but is a DJ allowed to pick the songs? I actually heard a great DJ on your station the other day; he was super-cool and good at his job in an old-fashioned way. I went to your website to see if I could find his name, but there’s no information whatsoever about the on-air personalities. Fix that.

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Get rid of that picture. Everyone hates hippies and hippies hate broad stereotypes of themselves. You’re making 100 percent of your potential market unhappy.

In fact, just change your entire name and marketing strategy. I am a Young Person, you could probably tell because of my snark and bad attitude. It is super off-putting to want to listen to, say, Sam & Dave, and then hear a little bumper from a random dude saying that (and I swear I heard this) “There were no news stories about home invasions” back in his day, which, what? He was either a child and not watching the news or a liar. “Sharon Tate might have something to say about that,” a friend remarked.

You are an oldies station, and I know it makes you super-sad to think about being OLD, but hey, guess what, to everything there is a season. A time to be born. A time to die. I know you know that one. (It’s from the Bible.) Go full-on Old with with it. “Old Fart Radio 94.5, now with more Sam & Dave, because Sam & Dave is for everyone.” See how much better that is?

Also, you are running a contest open to “Boomers” born up to the year 1975. Ask any person born in 1975 if they consider themselves a “Boomer” and enjoy your punch to the face. You think I’m mean? Seriously, talk to Gen-X, they still have a lot of unchecked emotions about your parenting.

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