Surviving Jackson 5 Members Stage Ryman Cash-Grab July 10

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The Jackson 4
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Let me guess: You’re still reeling from that minutes-old Fiona Apple announcement. Well, also of note, albeit totally unrelated, while poking around The Ryman's site I noticed that The Jacksons will also take to the Mother Church stage — on July 10, a mere three days before Apple.

Yes, I’m talking about the same fraternal vocal pop group that hailed from Gary, Ind., nearly a half-century ago and — previously known as The Jackson 5 — once boasted the other Randy Jackson (the one who was pitchy, not the one who says pitchy). And yes, the group’s upcoming tour of victory (?), destiny (?) profitability (?) — which will feature brothers Tito, Marlon, Jackie and Jermaine Jackson — is called, get this, The Unity Tour.

Ummmm, not to be overly cynical here, but technically speaking, isn’t the afterlife the only place these J-Bros can truly and wholly reunite?

Perhaps they should call it the I Want You Back Tour. In case you forgot, there was a fifth Jackson brother. His name was Michael, and once upon a time he managed to cultivate a fairly impressive solo career as an entertainer in his own right — even going as far as to star opposite Joe Pesci in a children’s film:

Michael Jackson loved children. Just as much as the lady below loved Michael Jackson … and doves.

A practitioner of vices for those who don’t long to be long for this world, Jackson spent decades living an off-the-walls, thrilling, bad, dangerous and historic lifestyle of odd debauchery before dying at 50 and proving to the world that, contrary to self-proclamation, he was not, in fact, invincible. Needless to say, Jacko will not be joining his brothers on The Unity Tour, although — as proceeded by a rather tactless and awkward reality show — it seems his death did inspire this collective comeback attempt by his brothers. Kind of like how it inspired Cirque du Soleil to take Jackson’s Immortal soul on a globe-spanning tour that’s even traversing these United States. Something the actual, living, breathing Michael Jackson hadn’t done since the Reagan era.

The Cirque thing comes to Bridgestone Arena for a two-night stand June 12 and 13. Tickets available here. Tickets to the Jacksons' Unity (i.e., Cha-Ching) Tour’s Ryman stop are $59.50-$79.50 and go on sale this Friday at 10 a.m. here.

Now, just for fun, here’s some rare Jackson 5 sound-check and rehearsal footage from 1970:

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