Spurgeon's General Warning: Musical Fast Forward

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Let’s go ahead and count this as part one in a sure-to-be-inevitable series about movie musicals, my favorite thing. The old stuff (MGM, Fred Astaire at RKO especially), family films including your basic Disney classics, adaptations from Broadway, musical episodes of television shows: It’s all just the best. Except Moulin Rouge. Never liked Moulin Rouge.

But just because I like a movie musical, that doesn’t mean that every song in it is worth listening to. There are some numbers that just have to be disregarded entirely, the Fast Forward garbage songs of otherwise beloved classics.

"Pink Elephants on Parade"

I’m an adult now and can respect the animation, especially since it’s from 1941 and seems to come from a much later era than that. But as a kid? Man, this shit straight-up terrified me. I remember being scared that a horrifying monster elephant would balloon out of the wall and devour me. Also, this is not what drunkenness is like, so it was misleading on top of scary. This was most certainly fast-forwarded through. But Dumbo’s emotional manipulation and causal Greatest Generation racism? Well, those parts were fun.


"Cheer Up Charlie"

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is the correct Dahl adaptation to revere, and perhaps not coincidentally, I have a long-running fantasy about Gene Wilder following me around to provide color narration with his soothing, beautiful voice. But until that wonderment of a man shows up, we’re stuck with the boring “Cheer Up Charlie,” a song that in my mind has come to define unnecessary filler until the shenanigans start. In fact, it’s so deadly dull, every YouTube clip from the movie had embedding disabled, lest some dick (like me) try to foist it on unsuspecting blog readers. So here’s a group of a capella nerds performing their rendition.

All that said, I was slightly amused by the promoted video.

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What do you hate? You hate stuff, right?

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