Spurgeon's General Warning: Halloweenies

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Halloween is a holiday I love dearly, but sometimes there’s just too much pressure involved in getting the right costume. I was going to go as Nyan Cat ('cause I'm a dork), but then remembered I’m extraordinarily lazy and will probably just dress up as “Girl in Hoodie.” But you — no, you’re better than that. I’m sure you guys have already painstakingly painted those "Occupy My Dick" signs and added just enough extra glitter to that Ke$ha costume you bought months ago. And if not, there’s still a little bit of time to get just the right rockin’ Halloween costume that’ll pop boners all over town.

Freddie Mercury:

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If you’re a dude with a mustache, you’re already halfway there. Just slide into your tightest jeans and white tank, generously accessorize with standard fetish gear (borrow your dad's), and boom — you’re rock’s greatest vocalist, ready to own the night. You are a champion.

(Zombie) Amy Winehouse:

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Expect to see a lot of these this year. Our dearly departed Amy was a pretty good costume to begin with, what with her being a living cartoon character and all. But her recent death is just going to bring out the same premise with some added rotting flesh. Fun fact, she was actually cremated, so the correct way to do this costume is to set yourself on fire.

Michael Jackson/Jimi Hendrix/ Kanye West:

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NO BLACKFACE. Wearing their distinctive clothing and accessories is fine.

Sexy Guitar:

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Did I say I was going as “Girl in Hoodie?” I take it back!

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