Dearest Jack White,
I saw you at Green Hills Mall about 2 months ago. I thought you didn't see me, but, obviously you did because you just had your divorce party!
We may not have much in common other than a deeply hidden love of mall wondering at early afternoon hours and an aversion to sunlight, but that's not all that bad!
So yea, let's go out for a date. Date meaning singular, as I am sure you have a lot on your plate right now, and I just want a companion to go to a potentially embarrassing movie with. Any time, whatevs is most ideal for you. Lets make the magic happen Jack! You buy the movie, I'll buy the Junior Mints.
The divorce party to which she refers, of course, is the one White and his former old lady, Karen Elson, threw last month at an undisclosed location.
You know what? At least our young mystery woman is somewhat charming about it. And the confidence doesn't hurt. If J-Dub doesn't holler back at her, maybe somebody else will. Who here likes pale young women with "potentially embarrassing" taste? Oh, right. It's the Internet. Everyone here likes that.