by Steve Haruch
The official Bonnaroo lineup announcement hasn't been announced yet — a publicist with the festival tells me that Feb. 15 is a good possibility — but for these last few days, let's oscillate/speculate wildly and/or try to sort what we know from what we wish we knew/don't know. For instance, the other night, Robert Plant announced from the stage that he and his Band of Joy will be playing in Manchester this summer. (They're in Nashville to play War Memorial Auditorium tonight and tomorrow night.) RP and BOJ join Big Boi, Bruce Hornsby, Gregg Allman Blues Band, Black Star, Massive Attack and Robyn (!) in the unofficially-officially-confirmed column.
As always, 'Roo-mors abound, if not as boundlessly as in years past. This is, after all, the big 10th anniversary, and the lid seems to be on pretty tight. However, according to one historically well-placed source, Arcade Fire (aka Vincent Moon's least-favorite band) are a lock to headline Friday night. Names making the rounds as "likely" include My Morning Jacket, some incarnation of Les Claypool and/or Primus, Mumford & Sons, Girl Talk, Scissor Sisters, Cold War Kids, Best Coast and Fitz & the Tantrums, while some of the big names being bandied about with varying degrees of Hail Mary-ness include The Rolling Stones, Neil Young, Daft Punk, U2, Pearl Jam, David Gilmour and Roger Waters, Dr. John (featuring the original Meters) and David Bowie.
While all this clue-chasing and message-board-stalking is fun and all, we Creamers have passed the torturous hours mostly with blind guessing and preposterous what-if one-upping. As a result, we were inspired — by a combination of all those fake Coachella lineups, the fact that Don Henley is recording an album of (you guessed it) country covers in (you guessed it) Nashville and our (read: my) own inability to pass up the chance to make a janky Photoshop image (aka boredom) — to create our own alternate-universe Manchester festival: Donnaroo.
I know all you Germs fans are psyched! (Also, that's Donna Summer and Donna Summer, not a copy/paste error.) Elsewhere at the fest — presented by legendary promoter Don King — Mogwai will perform Slint's "Don, Aman" in its entirety, Don Rickles will keep the Comedy Tent in stitches, Don Cheadle will MC the What Don stage, Daunte Culpepper will read from Dante's Inferno before a Dante's Peak/Don Juan DeMarco/Donnie Darko triple feature in the Cinema Tent, and Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice: Live From Centeroo — featuring Donatella Versace, Donald Rumsfeld, Donovan McNabb and Donald Faison — will film two episodes, with proceeds to benefit Ronald McDonald House.
So yeah, we're looking forward to the actual Bonnaroo announcement, too. What have you heard? What would you like to hear? What haven't you heard yet but are pretty sure you're going to hear?