by Sean Maloney
Word on the street is that Pentagram, the archetypal doom metal band, are going to be at The End on May 28. The other word is that this show is going to be "the original lineup," which besides being super awesome is kinda confusing — are we talking early-'70s post-Space Meat "original lineup" or are we talking mid-'80s, debut album "original lineup"? And if we're talking about the '80s, is it the lineup that made the record, or the one that toured behind it? And honestly, do we even care, 'cuz either way you cut it, it's motherfucking Pentagram, motherfuckers!
I know that you, dear Cream reader, probably don't give a rat's ass about this show because you have more "important," more "intelligent" music to be listening to than, say, some good old-fashioned Amurikan metal, but you should. See, I've got this theory that the reason our local music scene has been so remarkably lackluster over the last few months is that, well, you're all a bunch of ball-less, fedora-and-vest-wearing soft rock wienies. Ya, I said it. I think your "clever pop" is the aural equivalent of snorting Novacaine — it's only a good idea if I need to punch myself in the head for a few hours.
I'd say that the attendance numbers for local shows bear this out — there ain't a bit of fun in going out to see a bunch of twentysomethings trying to be Seals and Croft. And you all know in your heart of hearts that indie rock hasn't been worth a damn since Archers of Loaf signed to Warner way back in the day. But since everybody around here wants to be an "artist" and be taken "seriously," we the audience have to sit through an unending stream of mediocrity. Even our "rock" bands tend to be flaccid and non-confrontational, rarely if ever coming across as dangerous, much less exciting. (Across Tundras and Evil Bebos being notable exceptions. Hell, I'll even throw American Bang in there — at least they seem like they'd get drunk enough to drive the tour van through a nursery school.)
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that motherfuckers around here need stop trying to be "important" and start trying to be "fun," if there's any hope at all for this rock scene. Quit with the "chamber-pop" and the "techno-prog" and all the other hyphenated navel-gazing nonsense y'all try to pass off as music. Play some goddamn riffs, preferably the kind that scare babies, and maybe sing about something other than your feelings. This town is over-full with passive-aggressive wuss-rock, and what it really, really needs is more people who aren't afraid to be aggressive onstage — people who will risk offending somebody. Frankly, musicians around here are way too polite. I'm not saying you have to smear yourself with shit, but you don't all have to act like guidance counselors all the time.
Also, if y'all could write a song half as good Pentagram's "Dying World," that might make things a little more awesome.