Bonnaroo Tickets on Sale Today

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In case you haven't already heard, Middle Tennessee's annual quagmire of candy-flippin' mudsoaked heat-exhaustion and gaiety , our near-local tournament of musical and physical dehydration known as Bonnaroo, will be going down on Jun. 11-14. Tickets will be going on sale today at noon through the festival's official website. According to this article in Billboard:

The first round of ticket presales begins Thursday (December 4); a lineup announcement is expected early next year. The initial batch of tickets will be available for the first time as part of a payment plan encompassing five installments of $50.

As always it's a bit of a gamble buying tickets before knowing what the lineup will be. Last year people snatched them up early on due to rumors that Led Zeppelin were going to follow up their London reunion concert with an appearnce on the What stage. Of course those rumors never came to frution and the only Zep people got at the Roo was of the Lez variety. This year a Zeppelin appearance appears to be more likely but, unless they get Alison Krauss in the band, I wouldn't expect to see Robert Plant participating. He is said to have no interest in a reunion and has not reacted favorably to an ultimatum given to him by the rest of his bandmates essentially telling him that if he doesn't sign on they're going to replace him. And who are they going to replace him with?

None other then Scott Stapp stand-in and Alter Bridge frontman Myles Kennedy. This according to various news sources including this one in the Guardian UK, which states:

"[Led Zeppelin are] saying [to Plant]: 'We're all rehearsed, we're

ready to go, here's a gazillion dollars on the table... If you don't do it, we're going out with this kid. And he can sing the shit out of Zeppelin.' "

OK, so it's not quite the reunion we wanted. In fact, it sounds like a downright abomination worse than the unmitigated blue-baller that was 1995's Page and Plant album and tour. And the thought of Led Zeppelin being a mere two degrees of seperation from the terminally insufferable post-90s Jesus rockers Creed is about as appealing to me as a sandpaper handjob and third Bush term.

For a sample of Kennedy's work I present to you a video from 2004, of Alter Bridge performing their "breakout" single "Open Your Eyes" at Boston's Avalon Ballroom with special guests from the 2004 World Series champion Boston Red Sox. Apparently, the Bridge assumed that Johnny Damon and his Sox cohorts would know the words--they didn't. Hilarity ensues, and although Damon should be given some credit for not knowing the words to this piece of shit, his awkward devil horn hand-gesture rock-out at the beggining of the song only serves to remind me how much more he'd resemble Jesus if he was actually nailled to cross and left to wither. Enjoy!

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