by Tracy Moore
Man, I know some people who love the shit out of bars, but what if you got stuck in one well after yer drinkin' time was done? The Times ran a story yesterday about a dude who found himself locked in a Brooklyn bar overnight for about 12 hours. He was pretty trashed, and around last call he went into the bathroom for an indefinite amount of time, only to find the whole place shut down when he got out.
What makes the piece a fascinating (albeit frustrating) read are the numerous, comically botched opportunities to get out of the place that ensue. Described by a bar owner who served him that night as "really wasted but super nice," the dude has instincts that are mostly good—redialing the last number called on the bar phone, trying to reach his friends via cell, looking for spare keys, even finding a laptop. But sadly besieged by things like sleepy friends, the need for sleep and, of course, being drunk, dude just can't make it happen.
He wandered around the bar, trying to figure out what to do. Then he happened on a laptop on the bottom shelf of the D.J. booth.
“I checked my e-mail,” he said, “which was completely not helpful. My friends were planning a get-together. And I wrote back, ‘Yes, this will work. If only I could figure out how to escape from the bar I’m trapped in.’ ”
Next he did a Google search for “what to do if you get locked in a bar.” “But Google did not have any good answers,” he said.
It got me thinking about the worst bar to get accidentally locked in in Nashville. I would say Springwater for its dive-hole status, but I think I could like kick down a door and get out of there if I had to. So my vote's for The End. I don't think there's any food at all there. Plus, it's pitch black.