1. The staff at The 5 Spot
rule. If you were at the show, you probably saw my girlfriend crack her head open right before intermission. You also probably ignored the whole event beause the Spot-dudes kept it super low-key and totally pro. They were also calm and collected enough to keep my panic-stricken punk-ass from totally freaking the f--k out. Kudos, gentlemen.
2. These things only seem to happen when I quit smoking. During my decade-long nicotine binge I didn't any run into any of this sudden-head-injury bullshit, but once I go on that godforsaken patch my better-half's brains are splattered all over the floor. Plus, we had only drank one beer! My entire adult life has been spent knee-deep in a lake of booze and now that I'm acting like a grown-up things start going haywire—WTF!
3. Eight surgical staples and a trip to the emergency room will totally ruin an otherwise awesome night. I'll never hear Richman's song "Hospital" the same way ever again.
Needless to say, I'll be attending the show tonight while my lady-friend sleeps off one hella headache. So if you see me out, buy me a beer—I could really use one right now.