by Randy Fox
Dino De Laurentiis’ 1976 remake of King Kong has been vilified over the years as a big simian flop. Truth be told, the movie made ape-fist loads of money and really isn’t that bad. Sure, it’s kind of “meh” compared to the original, but it does have some beautiful ape-suit acting from special effects master Rick Baker, and the young Jessica Lange is charming and certainly easy on the eyes.
Dino’s belated sequel, 1986’s King Long Lives, however, is a monkey turd of epic proportions — but that just means there's more fun to fling at its expense. The movie starts with the revelation that truckloads of 50-cal bullets and a fall from the World Trade Center didn’t kill the big guy: it just put him in a coma for 10 years. All he needs to be back up and chasing blondes is the transplant of one big honkin’ mechanical heart. Things get more complicated when a female Kong is captured to provide the King with a blood transfusion plus a little monkey spanky on the side.
This big ball of gorilla butt cheese just gets better from there. Don’t miss it tonight and Saturday at 8 and 10 p.m. in the Cult Fiction Underground underneath Logue’s Black Raven Emporium.