by Randy Fox
I like to imagine that it went something like this:
[Seventies schlock director William Girdler is meeting with Mr. Producer.]
“So, Billy boy,” says Mr. Producer, “Grizzly was a big hit — ‘Jaws with Claws’ — brilliant! The rubes ate it up. Whatcha got next?”
“Well,” says Girdler, “one bear was a big hit, how about all kinds of animals killing people — aardvarks, ants, bears, boars, cats, bats, dogs, hogs, elephants, antelopes, pheasants, ferrets, giraffes, gazelles, stoats, goats, shoats, ostriches, octopuses, penguins, warthogs, yaks, newts, walruses, gnus, wildebeests …”
"What?! No rabbits?” Mr. Producer says.
“Especially rabbits!” Girdler replies.
“All those critters might be expensive,” Mr. Producer says.
“Well, we can scale it back a bit. I know, there’s this ozone thing they’re talking about in the news. We can say it drives all the animals crazy that are at high elevations! That way we can limit the action to one mountaintop. We’ll call it ... Day of the Animals!”
“That’s great!” exclaims Mr. Producer, “but will people take it seriously?”
“Are you kidding me?” Girdler says. “We’ve got Leslie Nielsen lined up to star, don’t we?”
“Sounds great,“ Mr. Producer says. “Let’s go with it. Say, I got an idea! How about the animals have some sort of general. You know, someone to coordinate the attacks. I don’t know — maybe a hawk?”
“Consider it done,” says Girdler.
To see the results for yourself, see Day of the Animals at the Cult Fiction Underground at Logue’s Black Raven Emporium — one night only, Friday at 8 p.m. and 10 p.m.