The Late Shift Extra: Your Guide to The Room



Oh, hi Late Shift readers. The Room, Tommy Wiseau's tremendously stupid debut in filmmaking (I use the word loosely) returns to The Belcourt tonight and tomorrow after a wildly successful midnight run in February. If this series of posts has at all piqued your interest about midnight movies and the craziness that they have the potential for, it is imperative that you see this movie.

Not unlike Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Room is the kind of cult film that is completely worthless to watch on your own. In fact, I specifically attempt to dissuade people from watching it on Netflix or DVD after inevitably hyping it up. This is a movie that is only fun to watch with 300 strangers in a crowded movie theater, hurling spoons and laughing until you can't breathe.

After the jump, you'll find a brief guide for newbies on how to survive The Room. It's not necessary for your enjoyment of the movie, but it couldn't hurt either.

What to Bring

One (1) box of plastic spoons. The 150 count ones will do the trick. You can also sit toward the front of the theater to collect them as they fall if you’re a cheapskate.

One (1) NERF football. Only to be thrown underhanded during the scenes where people inexplicably play football.

Your tickets, bought ahead of time. Seriously, this thing will likely sell out.

What to Yell and Do

• "SPOON!" — Did I mention that this is a bad movie? When the sets were being dressed, picture frames were bought and the stock photos weren't removed. Whenever you see the picture of the spoon, shout "Spoon!" and throw some spoons. Whatever you do, don't hit the screen.

• "HI DENNY!/BYE DENNY!" — Whenever Johnny's neighbor/surrogate son drops by or leaves.

• "BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN!" — Whenever a character casually drops something that is completely misogynistic (most of the movie).

• "MEANWHILE IN SAN FRANCISCO!" — Shouted during establishment shots to remind you that, yes, this movie is set in San Francisco.

• "FOCUS! UNFOCUS!" — Whenever the movie drifts out of focus (or when you wish it would).

• "HUSBAND. OF. THE. FUTURE!" — Whenever Johnny refers to himself as Lisa's "future husband."

• "[GROSS KISSING NOISES]" — Whenever two characters start making out. I think they're doing it wrong.

• "GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!" — Chanted during pans over the Golden Gate Bridge. Celebrate if it gets all the way across without cutting.

• "WHAT CANDLES?" — When Mark attempts to make Lisa's seduction sound a lot sexier than it actually is.

• "YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, LISA!" — The "call me Ishmael" of this dumb, dumb movie. Preceded by the lines "you're lying, I never hit you."

A The Room Master Class

There are a few moments in the movie that require an almost obsessive knowledge of its beats to pull off. If you're new to the movie, just sit back and enjoy the madness unfolding around you. But, you may want to keep an eye out for:

• A crowd of people leaving the theater during the fourth sex scene, occasionally shouting insults at the people who have stuck around.

• A smaller crowd of people trying to get Johnny's attention during a party scene.

• Remember that spoon picture frame? Just pay attention during the fight scene near the end of the movie.

What Not to Do

• Whatever you do, don't even think about ordering a Scotchka. It's equal parts scotch, vodka and liver failure. Just don't do it.

• Don't throw spoons at the screen. Seriously. Don't do it. They'll shut the movie down and you'll all have to go home.

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