Emmy Nominations 2012: Some Random Thoughts

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Here’s the thing: Modern Family is not a bad show. It has made me laugh, I think Ty Burrell is hot, and I’ll always love Ed O’Neill thanks to watching Married with Children at an inappropriately young age. But it’s not that good, either!

Of course, I’m one of those Community freaks who will never be happy until every person in the world has written a personal essay titled “What Abed Means To Me.” Adorable Lily said a bad word? Yeah, well, “Remedial Chaos Theory” was one of the greatest sitcom episodes of all time, I say without hyperbole.

Anyway, the fate of a television fan is to be disappointed. Nominees for the 2012 Emmy Awards (and occasional sass) are below.

Outstanding Drama Series:
Boardwalk Empire
Breaking Bad
Downton Abbey
Game Of Thrones
Homeland
Mad Men

Outstanding Comedy Series:
The Big Bang Theory
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Girls
Modern Family
30 Rock
Veep

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series:
Kathy Bates, Harry's Law
Glenn Close, Damages
Claire Danes, Homeland
Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series:
Hugh Bonneville, Downton Abbey
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Damien Lewis, Homeland

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series:
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Lena Dunham, Girls
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly
Amy Poehler, Parks & Recreation

(Stop rewarding Melissa McCarthy for pretending to shit in a sink.)

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series:
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Don Cheadle, House Of Lies
Louis CK, Louie
Jon Cryer, Two And A Half Men
Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series:
Jim Carter, Downton Abbey
Brendan Coyle, Downton Abbey
Peter Dinklage, Game Of Thrones
Giancarlo Esposito, Breaking Bad
Jared Harris, Mad Men
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad

(What is this, 2011? Because that was the last time Peter Dinklage was a supporting actor. He was quite clearly the star of GoT’s second season. He’ll win this round — which is no fun, because without his nomination, it would be way more up in the air.)

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series:
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey
Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series:
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Max Greenfield, New Girl
Bill Hader, Saturday Night Live
Ed O'Neill, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

(The entire adult male cast of Modern Family — seriously, guys? That is ridiculous. Every year, this should be Charlie Day’s to lose, but we don’t live in a just world now, do we?)

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series:
Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Kathryn Joosten, Desperate Housewives
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Merritt Wever, Nurse Jackie
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live

Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama Series:
Dylan Baker, The Good Wife
Jeremy Davies, Justified
Ben Feldman, Mad Men
Michael J. Fox, The Good Wife
Mark Margolis, Breaking Bad
Jason Ritter, Parenthood

Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama Series:
Joan Cusack, Shameless
Loretta Devine, Grey's Anatomy
Julia Ormond, Mad Men
Martha Plimpton, The Good Wife
Jean Smart, Harry's Law
Uma Thurman, Smash

Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series:
Will Arnett, 30 Rock
Bobby Cannavale, Nurse Jackie
Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live
Michael J. Fox, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Jon Hamm, 30 Rock
Greg Kinnear, Modern Family

Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series:
Elizabeth Banks, 30 Rock
Kathy Bates, Two And A Half Men
Margaret Cho, 30 Rock
Dot Marie Jones, Glee
Melissa McCarthy, Saturday Night Live
Maya Rudolph, Saturday Night Live

Outstanding Miniseries or Made-for-TV-Movie:
American Horror Story
Game Change
Hatfields & McCoys
Hemingway & Gellhorn
Luther
Sherlock

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Made-for-TV-Movie:
Kevin Costner, Hatfields & McCoys
Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock
Idris Elba, Luther
Woody Harrelson, Game Change
Clive Owen, Hemingway & Gellhorn
Bill Paxton, Hatfields & McCoys

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Made-for-TV-Movie:
Connie Britton, American Horror Story
Ashley Judd, Missing
Nicole Kidman, Hemingway & Gellhorn
Julianne Moore, Game Change
Emma Thompson, The Song of Lunch

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Made-for-TV-Movie:
Tom Berenger, Hatfields & McCoys
Martin Freeman, Sherlock
Ed Harris, Game Change
Denis O'Hare, American Horror Story
David Strathairn, Hemingway & Gellhorn

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Made-for-TV-Movie:
Frances Conroy, American Horror Story
Judy Davis, Page Eight
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story
Sarah Paulson, Game Change
Mare Winningham, Hatfields & McCoys

Outstanding Reality-Competition Series:
The Amazing Race
Dancing With The Stars
Project Runway
So You Think You Can Dance
Top Chef
The Voice

Outstanding Host of a Reality Series or Reality-Competition Series:
Tom Bergeron, Dancing With The Stars
Cat Deeley, So You Think You Can Dance
Phil Keoghan, The Amazing Race
Ryan Seacrest, American Idol
Betty White, Betty White's Off Their Rockers

(I’m sorry, the correct answer was “RuPaul.”)

Outstanding Reality Program:
Antiques Roadshow
Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution
MythBusters
Shark Tank
Undercover Boss
Who Do You Think You Are?

Outstanding Nonfiction Series:
American Masters
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations
Frozen Planet

The Weight Of A Nation

Outstanding Variety Series:
The Colbert Report
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live

Outstanding Variety Special:
Betty White's 90th Birthday: A Tribute To America's Golden Girl
Kathy Griffin: Tired Hooker
The Kennedy Center Honors
Mel Brooks And Dick Cavett Together Again
Tony Bennett: Duets II

Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series:
Downton Abbey, "Episode Seven," Julian Fellowes
Homeland, "Pilot," Alex Gansa, Howard Gordon, and Gideon Raff
Mad Men, "Commissions And Fees," Andre Jacquemetton and Maria Jacquemetton
Mad Men, "Far Away Places," Erin Levy and Matt Weiner
Mad Men, "The Other Woman," Semi Chellas and Matt Weiner

Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series:
Community, "Remedial Chaos Theory," Chris McKenna
Girls, "Pilot," Lena Dunham
Louie, "Pregnant," Louis CK
Parks & Recreation, "The Debate," Amy Poehler
Parks & Recreation, "Win, Lose, Or Draw," Michael Schur

(Oh, there’s “Remedial Chaos Theory,” the single greatest televised half-hour since March 11, 1993. It will lose to Dunham, CK, or Poehler, because they are all more famous.)

Outstanding Writing for a Variety Series:
The Colbert Report
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Portlandia
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live

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