Product Review Review: Tony's Macaroni & Cheese Pizza

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I thought I could ignore it. Last week, a friend in Memphis posted a picture on Instagram of macaroni-and-cheese pizza. The photographer’s review? “Kind of OK.” All right, moving on.

But today, Betsy Phillips tweeted that her brother got one. It’s becoming a thing. Clearly, it’s getting closer to me, too. It knows what I like and it knows where to find me. Maybe I should try it? To get more information, I employed the use of a top-notch research tool. I believe the lay term for it is “Google.”

Google provided a lot of links, primarily for recipes. No, I’m looking for Tony’s Macaroni & Cheese Pizza. A better search yielded a link to this very informative and entertaining review from The Impulsive Buy.

The review starts with the author trying to determine just how this thing came to be. He imagines some Mad Men-style scenario whereby the evil genius ad man comes up with the winning ad and tells the client to create the product.

As much as I would love for this to be true, it’s probably not. The more likely scenario is that it’s the result of hours of focus groups and product marketing coming up with ideas for “product line extensions” that will “enable the company to benefit from synergies.” How do I know this? I worked at an advertising agency {mumble} years ago and spent the next {mumble} years in corporate marketing. Somewhere, there is not a smarmy ad man, but a smarmy middle manager taking credit for this idea from a sad and lonely marketing research analyst.

But I digress. The more important part of The Impulsive Buy’s post was the actual review.

How was the pizza? “Serviceable.” And in fact, just about every review I could find was similar. “OK,” “so-so,” “all right,” and “edible equivalent to the human centipede.” (Okay, that last one was, in no uncertain terms, an indication that the pizza was not good, even though I don't think the writer has actually eaten the pizza. Don't look that up if you don't already know what it is and you ever want to eat again.) But it seems likely worth the $2.49-3.49 the pizza costs. Reviewers offered helpful advice to make the pizza better, including adding marinara sauce, ketchup or any kind of seasoning.

These things all highlight what was not only missing from the pizza, but a review from what is clearly the target market: children. Who likes pizza and macaroni and cheese but doesn’t care for too many seasonings and can’t be trusted with tomato sauce? Children ages 2 to 7. Or older; I’m not sure. But I can tell you that my child would likely devour every last bit of this pizza. All 1,120 calories, 36 grams of fat, and 2,000 grams of sodium. That is, if I allowed her to eat it.

What say you? Has anyone tried this pizza? Or allowed their child(ren) to eat it?

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