A once-lush rope of squash vine now lies wilted on the dirt floor of my garden, severed by what I can only assume is the same dastardly varmint that also felled a Prudens Purple heirloom tomato plant. I am devastated.
Meanwhile, my friend Rex Hammock is sending over snapshots of his tomatoes, nurtured safely in the wire-mesh compound of his Tomato Gitmo (pictured here).
But I'm trying not to be bitter. After all, Gen. Hammock put in the hours erecting a vegetable fortress, whereas I relied on the fuzzy goodwill of Hazel and Fiver to spare my veg.
No more. I take up arms today. First on the list: an owl, like this one.
We once had success with one of these guys, which we moved around the yard on a regular basis, you know, to simulate flight. One morning, I caught my neighbor on her porch with her binoculars staring in wonder at its statuesque majesty. I could hardly break the news to her that it was plastic, from Home Depot.
I'm also going to swing by a toy store and get one of these:
That should keep the rabbits out of the yard. Lord knows what it will do to my neighbor.
What other sneaky tricks can I employ?