Can This Marriage Be Saved from Inventory Control Sabotage?


Exhibit A
  • Exhibit A

We have a marital issue at our house, and we are wondering, frankly, whether our union can bear the strain of this problem: putting all-but-empty containers back into the fridge or cabinet.

It was just pickles, at first. That other adult who uses my kitchen will never eat the last pickle, or the last squeeze of the mustard, or the last couple of drops of hot sauce. No, the jar/bottle goes back into the fridge or cupboard. So a quick glance over supplies, the kind you make when you're prepping a grocery list, reveals that, yes, there's a pickle jar in the fridge or a hot sauce bottle in the cabinet. So that item doesn't go onto the grocery list.

If you know the next bitter turn of events, friends, you have my empathy. And if you don't, here it is, in its depravity and iniquity. You reach that point in your meal prep where you need the  pickles/hot sauce/Dijon/ice cream/chocolate sauce. And there's only a dribble remaining. Whatever you're making will be missing an ingredient, or you have to shift gears in the middle of meal prep.

Like all marital issues, it's become more than an inconvenience: it's a symbol of everything wrong, a reason to slam the door and sleep on the futon. If it continues, and our child learns this behavior, it's pretty certain that college is out of the picture, that we'll all end up homeless, friendless and 40 pounds overweight.

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