by Jim Ridley
Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey. Mmmm...can't you just smell that aroma of sizzling pork wafting from your alarm clock? Brent Rolen sent us a link to this Mathlete report (see swiped photo above) on a clever little gizmo timed to cook a bacon strip under halogen lamps inside a clock radio. When the alarm goes off, the radio issues not a shrieking siren but the irresistible smell of yummy bacon. In theory, you'd wake up hungry and nostalgic for Mom's pre-school breakfasts. In practice, you'd probably wake up thinking the house was on fire and bolt into the front yard in your underwear.
What this sounds like is the ultimate stealth device for the overnight conversion of vegetarians. It's a diabolical Invasion of the Body Snatchers scenario: Unsuspecting herbivores go to bed with visions of tofu dancing in their heads, until the seductive perfume of Hormel's finest slowly fogs their senses. Their taste buds are no longer their own. Next thing you know, they're licking the grease off discarded Baconator wrappers and gazing lustfully at the cover of Charlotte's Web.
And you can't have bacon without something tall and cool to wash it down, right? Here's a little something to quench your pork-stoked thirst: bacon vodka. Still not sated? How about a nice chocolate bacon bar. Or bacon chocolate-chip cookies. Or maybe just a nice chaser of bacon beer.
You can run, plant eaters, but you'll have to stop sometime. And when you do, the clock will be waiting. The alarm is already set. The hour of bacon is at hand.