Samurai Cop, The Room of Action Movies, This Weekend at Belcourt

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When you spend most of the ’80s working in a strip-mall video store, the world of godawful cinema holds few surprises by the time you reach 2013. Or so I thought, until the torrent-trawlers who hang out at The Belcourt unearthed something called Samurai Cop.

Samurai Cop! The biggest name in the cast is hulking Robert "Maniac Cop" Z'dar, though you may remember co-star Krista Lane from such films as The Autobiography of Herman Flogger and Fatal Erection. (Lane is pretty much the Parker Posey of porn knockoff movies, with a filmography distinguished by The Load Warrior, Beyond Thunderbone, Ramb-OHH! and — a bit of a stretch even for the genre — Empire of the Sins.)

The trailer's been playing for weeks at The Belcourt, and it promises everything you could want from gutbusting cinematic rotgut. Bad hair! Blatant cue-card reading! Punches that don't land! Awkward sex scenes! Uncomfortable pauses! Unconvincing profanity! Really bad hair! Plus all the heart-stopping action you'd expect from a director who cut his teeth making Turkish comedies!

So tell your friends. Send up a signal. Dial the red phone. Spread the word that there's no place connoisseurs of cinematic catastrophe will want to be than at The Belcourt this Friday and Saturday at midnight. Your life just might depend on it.

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