by Abby White
While there are many important landmarks in any romantic relationship — giving your significant other a key, meeting the parents, changing your Facebook status, etc. — one of the least discussed events is something that happens pretty, um, regularly.
When is the appropriate time to go No. 2 at your significant other's place? Since I know a bunch of guys who don't even want to admit that women poop, I certainly don't have the answer to this question, other than to refer those dudes to this book. But I may be able to offer a remedy to mask the entire situation, because nobody really wants to talk about it, right?
Poo~Pourri is a "before you go bathroom spray" that you spray into the toilet bowl before you go. Pretty revolutionary stuff. According to the masterminds behind this magic poo potion, Poo~Pourri is not a chemical cover up, but an aromatherapy based formula that creates a protective barrier on the toilet water's surface, which prevents "unpleasant odors" from reaching others, especially your honey. I mean, you don't want that much intimacy, do you?
A caveat: A friend of mine actually has this in her bathroom, and I did not read the instructions and sprayed it all over the room. Don't do this. It basically lets the entire house know that you just dropped the kids off at the pool.
Poo~Pourri is available in a variety of packaging options, and you are encouraged to stash this magic potion in your purse (in case you unexpectedly end up at a gentleman's house, I presume) or display it in your bathroom (because it's "classy!"). Want to show your pride for your alma mater? Perhaps you'd like something from the "P.U." collegiate collection. Or, maybe you're a guy who is trying to impress a lady and you're in need of "the right tool for a big load." Poo~Pourri has you covered. There's even a kids version. Because, really, the most important lesson for our kids to learn is that their poop needn't inconvenience everyone else. Whichever formula you choose, Poo~Pourri promises to enable you to do your business "while smelling like a rose."
Which begs the question: Are you ready to move to the next level on the relationship pyramid with someone who doesn't want to admit that, like every other living being, you happen to excrete waste every once and a while? Or, is there something to be said for keeping romance alive by leaving some things unshared? (Yes.)
Maybe you don't want to smell anyone else's crap, no matter how much you love them.
Either way, next time you have a big date, feel free to order those chimichangas. Poo~Pouri has you covered.