by Tracy Moore
Remember all those Activia commercials--with Jamie Lee Curtis as spokesgoddess, hawking yogurt at grocery store display counters? If you recall, they promised "a positive effect on your digestive tract's immune system." Now that they've been sued successfully for false advertising and are settling by paying out $35 million dollars--up to $100 bucks per settlement-joining customer--they're not going to be putting that euphemistic language on containers anymore. Guess what they're going to be saying instead?
That the yogurt will "interact with your digestive tract's immune system." You know, like, it will go in your mouth, and into your stomach, and into your digestive tract, where it will...interact. Whether that will continue to make you crap your brains out or not is anyone's guess. But note for your records that the yogurt will, in fact, interact. For better or for worse, they cannot say.
*headline provided by Scene staffer Adam Gold in lieu of my ability to think up a snappy yogurt pun.